August 26th, 2020 – Question 717

There’s actually quite a lot to unpack here, I feel like your taste in how you like broccoli prepared says a lot about you as a person. It’s all the little things that make up who we are, and this is another one of those little things.

Cooked crunchy

You probably like your steak medium, tending towards medium rare. You probably also like crunchy foods in general, but like chips crunchy, not nuts crunchy. I bet your friends describe you as someone with sass.

Cooked falling apart

There’s not a lot of good explanations for this one, are you putting your broccoli in a stew? That’s the only time broccoli gets extra tender and I’m like “yeah, this is good”. Maybe your teeth are bad, or maybe you like the feeling of mushy things. You probably like slime.

Cooked tender

Yeeaaahhhh, this is where it’s at! Perfectly tender, cooked just well enough to not audibly crunch when you bite into it, but still chewable. This is like well-balanced, for those of us that like steak medium, maybe even medium well if we’re cooking it ourselves and don’t have a meat thermometer. Maybe you make your broccoli in the oven? If you can stirfry your broccoli to this level of cooked, you’re a stirfry champion.


Go dip your broccoli in some ranch and eat it like a child. I actually enjoy raw broccoli, but only because it’s a vessel to eat ranch, not for the broccoli itself. It’s like the same thing with celery sticks and ranch/peanut butter. I know you’re not eating it for the vegetable, for the nutritious value, no, you’re eating it for the ranch, or because your mom said so.

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